#good night im waking up in an hour
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Note
Jayce x Reader for the kiss prompts with the âkisses to keep your lover quiet during sexâ đ please please please
your wish is my command, hehe.
be quiet.
pairing: jayce talis x fem!reader word count: 957 tags: mdni! smut, shameless slut, pwp, vaginal sex, rough sex, choking, forceful kissing, reader is being way too loud lol. notes: an ask from this prompt list!!
You couldnât help it, his cock was stretching you with every thrust and leaving your cunt aching for more. You rolled your hips against him, arms lifted above your head and pressed to the headboard as his name rolled off of your tongue.
âBe quiet,â he grunted, a large hand pinning your hip to the bed as he fucked you, huffing as he kept up a quick rhythm.
âCanât,â you whined, âyour cocks so big, I really canât help it.â
You may have been overacting your coy behaviour, but it was true. Every thrust had you mewling in pleasure and it was near impossible to stifle the sounds.
It was a great compliment which stroked Jayceâs ego, but he still knew that fucking in the guest room that shared a wall with Caitlynâs bedroom needed to be treaded carefully. Especially when the headboard was already thumping against it.
Your hands clawed at his chest, legs wrapped around his hips, âfuck me harder,â you whimpered.
âI said quiet,â Jayce groaned, leaning down and burying his face against your neck, lips and teeth dragging along the skin as his hips thrusted forward with a ruthless pace. The walls of your cunt felt so fucking good squeazing around his length, and he was doing his best to keep his own moans suppressed, but it wasnât looking so good for either of you.
All he wanted was to sit upright on his knees and dirty talk you as he fucked youâwatching the way you squirmed and would try to hide your face. Legs spread wide apart for him, his thumb circling your clit in a terrifyingly quick rhythm and watching your pussy take his big cock with no struggle like the good girl you were.
The best part? You could be as loud as you wanted, he could hear you scream his name until your throat was raw and fuck you until you were begging him to slow down.
But neither of you had that luxury as you were so graciously housed in the Kirramman house for a few nights.
You let out a sharp, loud moan when the head of his cock bruised your cervixâso deep you wanted to writhe away from his touch and treat the night like a game of cat and mouse.
Jayce was quick, lifting his head up from where heâd begun to litter your chest with love bites and capturing your lips into a heady kiss.
Immediately, your arms wrapped around his neck. Lips parting to give him access to your mouth, tongue gliding against yours and swallowing your moans.
âYou like that?â He mumbled against your lips, tongue brushing against your teeth as he snaked a hand between your bodies and rubbed slowly at your swollen clit, his pace slowing.
You couldnât answer back, lips and voice muffled by the way he assaulted your mouth with his tongue.
It was so fucking hot, almost hotter than the way his cock pushed in so deep you felt like you were being split open. Your thighs tightened around his hips, arms gliding up until you could grab his hair in a fistful, the other resting on the front of his throat.
âYeahâ you whined into his mouth pathetically.
Jayce snapped his hips harder once again, fucking you relentlessly as the bed shook. He had to take shallow thrusts, anything too forceful slammed loudly against the wall and risked someone hearing.
âIâll be quiet,â you urged against his lips, attacking them and licking into his mouth to taste the remnants of a black spiced tea.
âYou sure?â he whispered, eyes fluttering as his stomach twisted. Sweat had begun to build up on his forehead and the back of his neck, meanwhile the pillow princess herself laid back and began to play with her tits while he did all the work.
Jayce loved it.
âMhm,â you hummed, cheeks burning hot as the thumb circling your clit did wonders to push you closer to the edge. You could feel the bundle of nerves getting sensitive with each passing second, little jolts of electricity making your pussy tighten so hard around his cock he had to whine into your mouth.
âFine,â he muttered, lips trailing down your jaw and neck, âyou make any more sounds and Iâll stop.â
You were obedient, chewing on your bottom lip fiercely to keep yourself from moaning. You even had to lift a hand, the back of it covering your lips as you met your boyfriendâs gaze.
His free hand had gripped the top of the headboard, tight enough the wood creaked as he looked down at you, admiring your beautiful fucked out face.
âAh, fuck,â he groaned, âIâm gonnaâ cum,â he whimpered against your skin, jaw clenching as his orgasm neared with each harsh snap of his hips, âgonnaâ fill that pretty pussy.â
Your hand fell from your lips and you closed your eyes, lips forming into an âoâ shape as your own release crept up on you. Before you could stop it, his name was rolling off your tongue loudly and he was forced once more to press his lips to yours and place a hand at your throat, fingers pressing on each side of your windpipe.
âSorry,â you breathed into his mouth, nails digging into his chest as his choking left you pleasantly dominated.
âNo you arenât,â he mumbled, tongue licking against yours as you both met your release together in near-silence. Blissfully ignoring the idea that Caitlyn could hear everything.
âŠShe could.
#arcane x reader#arcane#arcane fanfic#jayce talis x reader#jayce talis x you#jayce talis#jayce talis fic#arcane x you#not me waking up in the middle of the night to finish this#yaâll im so down bad for a fandom for the first time in months this is too good#ok back to sleep only to wake up in an hour lol#and on that note i apologize for any grammatical mistakes ahah#wordsbyspatial#spatialanswers
655 notes
·
View notes
Text
binding vow
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#megumi fushiguro#fushiguro megumi#megumi#fanart#jjk fanart#done....collapses#up until 3am last night n sitting fr another 8 hours today to finish....#g o d#the things i do fr him.....#let it no longer b said that i only do elaborate paintings rife with symbolism tht feature gojo. megu my one true muse#as is Correct and Just#real talk tho i was just sketching th things i wanted to include without giving much thought to the Themes#w the exception being the spider lilies lmao I Know What Those Mean#but i ended up with a REALLY good life/death/marriage/loyalty thing going on????#w the lotus/spider lily being purity+rebirth/death#((not 2 mention 'far from the one he loves' like HELLO?????))#also w the temari balls being associated w femininity but having him dressed in groom's attire#like???? 90% unplanned but i ended up both cooking And eating#also happy 2 report that betta fish were kinder 2 me than the koi were :) no trouble from these lil guys#in fact everything abt this piece kind of came easily beyond the initial colour swatch??#thank u fr being an easy subject megu ilysm im sorry abt all the death imagery i dont mean it pls focus instead on th Life imagery :((((#i put a ring on it so u gotta wake up.....cant leave yuuji @ th altar ....#SPEAKING OF THE RING IK ITS ON THE RIGHT HAND we've been over this and its Okay#if i read a single comment .........#sorry 2 that one person who was like 'the next binding vow better be at itfs' wedding' ik this probably wasnt what u meant#but it did inspire me smile :)#anyway i need 2 stop looking at this its been over 24 hours
844 notes
·
View notes
Text
eternally grateful that no matter the verse within cherik either one of them will always have long lushish hair the other can lovingly comb through
#xmen#xmen 92#xmen 97#xmen apocalypse#xmen dofp#cherik#professor x#charles xavier#magneto#erik lehnsherr#erik magnus lehnsherr#max eisenhardt#snap chats#if i had a nickel for every ship i liked that included a bald bitch and his long-haired lover id have two nickels and im crying#anyway its simply important to me.. i just think its neat yk ....#no concrete throughts i just really like the idea of charles combing through magnus' hair đ#never getting over my initial reaction to his 97 hair like girlfriend it is so voluminous#charles better than me wdym youre not gonna fold like an omelette after seeing that mane#movieverse is just as good too ofc ... how could it not be .....#im thinking too much i must stop before i throw open google docs#i have to take a train in like eight years and that means waking up in six hours vjVALKEJ good night everyone#thank you for once again joining me in my nightly cherik rambling as i slowly lose my mind day by day
124 notes
·
View notes
Text
Fuck it. Silly post time
My doodles from my class notes this + last week. I have been struggling to draw my guys on model lately so you can see some of the Struggles. go ahead, look at em. i am so human but watch me go. Anyways, these are in order from oldest to most recent (the ones I did in class today.) Trying to figure out how i want to draw them again, because it seems I can never quite do it the same way twice. Mildly frustrating, but it does leave space for silly posts like this. I hope someone else finds as much amusement in offended tynamo as I do.
AUs include spirit keeper (I've forgotten how to draw??? his hair??? which is like his most identifying feature???? don't know where THAT muscle memory went but it is GONE) and also Steady Tracks Ingo (who I have Never figured out how to draw in the first place tbh). Also pictured: an intentionally rare little ingo appearance. Also noticed I've been drawing more canon-compliant doodles than I normally do, so that's neat! Top right image (the third one) is my INSANELY botched attempt at drawing the One Move twins. Literally turbo fucked that one. look at ingo's face. Unrecognizable. Will I stop using an ink pen? when I die maybe
Anyways. God be damned I am Having Fun. Wanted to offer you my doodles in the hopes they make someone else smile too today. Oh the train is just a train, I just figured you guys would like that one. Even though I'm struggling to keep my pen steady or my lines consistent, I am still very happy with several things here. The smoke on the train, and the two middle Emmets on the very last image in particular I really love
silly post complete. have a great timezone
#Submas#Submas Art#Ingo#Emmet#Pokemon Ingo#Pokemon Emmet#Subway Boss Ingo#Subway Boss Emmet#AUs#One Move AU#STDNW#Steady Tracks#Canon Faithful Concepts#Spirit Keeper Ingo#Little Helpers AU#Tynamo#I crave converstations and relationships. Someday I will be active enough for that to be possible; but in the meantime we silly posting#just got finished reading a fic for eight hours straight so im kinda filled with this manic neurodivergent energy.#A Warden In Pasio by Quack if you're curious. feeling pretty Unwell(tm) about it so this is my continued attempt to offload that energy#And maybe be able to think about something else for the entirety of tomorrow when i wake up. instead of Only That#love yall <3 have a good night
50 notes
·
View notes
Text
*taps mic* if you have adhd go play bayonetta before bed. you'll be so flavor blasted you'll pass out right away
#shitpost#bayonetta#dont actually do this btw you will just jam for 13 consecutive hours#source: no sleep before dnd night bayonetta rampage#also i call it flavor blasted when im overstimulated to the point of merciful exhaustion#experience good. experience gonna make me sleep like rock for 4 hours at which point i will wake up to piss and not go back to bed but w/e
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
everyone: I bet you're sooooo done being pregnant right!??
me: idk actually, I'm enjoying late pregnancy, I'm treasuring this quiet time with my husband preparing our home and minds to intentionally welcome our son, he can take all the time he needs I hope he's cozy in there! đ„°đđ€°âšïžđ
my beloved beautiful baby and my body, conspiring together, adding on new discomforts every hour: lmao watch this *they high five*
#making a bebe#a night full of uncomfortable uterus action without being Real Labor#and waking up once an hour to use the bathroom#these things did not break me#but my dear sweet boy JAMMED his foot into my ribs as i waited to go back to sleep for the sixth time and that may have done it#im mostly upset bc everyone said i would feel this way at some point and i was like#no actually im a special pregnancy princess with a good attitude đ„°#how the turn tables. etc.#(give me time i can get back to irritatingly sanctimonious it's a special skill might just need a cup of tea first tho)#pregnancy cw#i feel like this gets a little graphic so just in case lol
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
screw whatever else i've said; the most important thing you can do in this lifetime is watch tv
#i started king the land the other day and OH MY GOODNESS#i did not expect to like it this much i am having so many thoughts#i am only in the middle of episode six#last night i went to bed in between episodes 3 and 4 and i was like. i am so ready to go right to beddy bye shut my tired little eyes#and i slept for 7 straight hours. that was like 10:30 PM to 5:30 AM exactly#i NEVER sleep like that#it was like i had been possessed by the god of longed-for and timely slumber#do you know how hard it is for me to go to bed or wake up that early?#depsite the fact i do it on a regular basis for work it is NOT natural to me#going to bed stresses me out and it takes a lot more work than it ends up being worth aldsfkaf#which is to say i practice good habits but bc of my anxiety it ends up not being very restful#i constantly wake up during the night etc.#tales from diana#a good tv show will put me to bed like magic. that's what im betting on. do your thing tv show!#by the end of episode 6 i better feel like a sleep fairy has cast me under her spell like i did last night#wouldnt that be great!#anyway i wish you all a good night's sleep. goodnight zzzzz
8 notes
·
View notes
Note
Melatonin is a delicate balancing act, it took some time to find a dose that helped me fall and stay asleep without leaving me groggy after 8/10 hours. For me, that has been 10 mg gradually increased to such over a few weeks then steady since.
I also take roughly a week without it every month or two, as the bottle recommends. Listen to your body and do what you can. Good luck, and thank you for the sweet gay were/pire comic<3
Yeah, I can tell my sweet zone is somewhere between 3 and 6 mg, at least right now. Or at least I think it is. Admittedly my sleep has been absolutely horrible since I was a kid so my standards on "not tired" are pretty low, so I'm not actually sure if they're any good right now. All I know is I'm getting more than 2 hours of sleep at a time, and I'm not spending every waking moment fighting off a nap!
Thanks for the confirmation I've gotta test with it and go off and on and such, my doc didn't give me a straight answer on that (he just kept saying take it as needed... I need it every night!!!). 75% of the time being good is way better than 0% so I'll take what I can get!
And the gay comics are the least I can do 𧥠thank you for reading it!
#my boyfriend actually commented unprompted that ive been complaining less about being tired all the time..m#like dont get me wrong. im still tired#but it has been a WORLD of a difference.#like. its been every day since i was like 14 that just. all day i could fall right back asleep#and every night i wake up every. other. hour.#ive never really been able to sleep longer than 2 hours at a time#so ive never gotten uhm. good sleep before.#and ive had to stay in bed 14. 16. 20 hours to even feel like i can GET UP!!!!#super bad hahaha#but I'll take a week of that every month or so over every day#im just glad ive found a dose and combo thats workint for me cause ive tried melatonin before and it didnt help#but that was qlso before i used those nose strips. which also help me a lot?#so i think the combo is important#and i wouldn't be shocked if in 5 years i learn of another secret sleeping ingredient#anyways. maybe i can line up the bad sleep week off melatonin with the other week that sucks every month auajjddjdjejdj#see how it goes lol#oh ive also been taking other vitamins which have also been helping#so that combo leaves me with some actual waking time that im not fighting off a nap#this is why I've been posting more recently btw lol#asks#jackedupjack
11 notes
·
View notes
Note
Ash how is the fated watching going rn?? Youâre braver than most
godd wampus im fucking THRIVING right now. this campaign sucks so bad it's genuinely unwatchable at times and I think that's the appeal to me <3 they spent like 10 minutes just describing and figuring out how the money system works and literally none of them sound like they've ever played dnd before and i don't think it will ever pass the bechdel test once the entire campaign even with velrissa trying her hardest but it goes crazy anyway
br'aad is my favorite character by a lot right now,, he's my FREAKK i love him and his idiot swagger so much. he's supposed to be charismatic but he sucks so bad at it everyone hates him but sticks around with him anyway. he's a warlock and his patron stops time and gives him insight on things/danger to come and kicked off the main plot in the sickest sequence I've ever seen. also his gayboy ass really did walk so every other gayboy slimecicle character could run !! they were so right !! and the party spent the first and second session hating everything he said and did . Took them sooooo long to be normal about him but they got it eventually when mountain (MY MAANNNNNN) defended him. Also he says everything with ^_^ . Just outloud you can hear it in his voice
for the rest I think the only other character that's talking enough to form an opinion on is taxi. and that opinion is STRONGLY a good one o(-( ! his banter with br'aad is so fun they're the only characters that feel Real and In The World so far and I love it so much. the names bit where br'aad kept getting his name wrong and calling him "saxi" and whenever he corrected him br'aad would just go "I know saxi. Nice to meet you im br'aad!" actually had me in tears at a certain point they're the only ones that have gotten me to laugh fr fr so far
sadly velrissa mountain and sylnan just Don't Fucking Talk so i don't have any real concrete opinions on them yet other than "hmm. Interesting ^_^" velrissa and her necromancy stuff is so neat so far I hope we get to see it in action soon instead of just small mentions here and there. same with the dynamic between sylnan and br'aad I NEEED to see more snockers scenes like their sibling scamming bullshit seems so cool I can't wait for them to emotionally rip my heart out through my throat. I can feel it coming
honestly the main appeal of it all is the characters and the characters alone. them slowly becoming friends and trusting each other will fuck with my brain permanently. I already cheered out loud when they so much as INSINUATED that they could stand br'aad and his charisma and they don't actually hate being around each other like that made me so happy. their meeting makes no sense but that's okay the Shenanigans with the solid snake box and br'aad trying and failing to stealth was so fun and "nice forearms, and a nicer staff!" and the little weirdo gremlin goblin following them around they're all very scared of and creeped out by (except for br'aad. he is strongly sexually attracted to goblins. this is canon and brought up over and over again) all make up for it. the story really doesn't matter to me here at all ^_^ all i care about are the characters being happy and traveling together and that's what makes the campaign enjoyable for me
#i make yet anothet post just for me đ#we have mail :]#if this makes no sense sorry its 2:30 am#cayden's dms are getting the brunt of my liveblogs otherwise inwould just be transcribing whole episodes on here#every time a character talks my ears perk up like a dog and i get excited. i feeeeeel the fixation forming#why cant i stay hyperfixated on good campaigns and media man why is it always shit that ended a long time ago#and sucks soooososo bad#as im writing this im finishing episode 2 so ill take a break for the night i think then start again tomorrow morning ^_^#WHICH I AM SETTING AN ALARM FOR SO I WAKE UP AT A NORMAL HOUR. I FORGOT TO DO THAT THIS MORNING LMAO#anyway thank you for letting me just Talk because this fucking campaign has me FUCKEDDDD UP#i love them so much... i am deeply invested in br'aaxi and i Get It Now#currently taxi has a whole girlfriend but its okay shes said like 2 lines and thats it because again. Never passing the bechdel test#wait okay episode 3 started they are doing a real and proper intro where they explain what characters they play#for the First Time#this is so cool woag
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
I guess Ill just stay up tonight đ
#i have to wake up in 2 hours theres no point#funny thing abt last night. i actually couldve stayed up to play my silly little games cause i didnt have to wake up early#today however not so lucky#my back home nap is probably gonna be so good tho im gonna have to make sure i dont oversleep#kae.txt
12 notes
·
View notes
Text
What if you could exist as nonbinary in the world
#like i know i can but#i cant be out at work thats just making my social life 10x harder for almost no benefit#i cant go to school anymore i hate it there#and i couldnt really even be out at school because i hate telling people my pronouns#i have a masc name and i like my name but it means people dont assume im nb#and i hate hate hate telling people otherwise#i know there are coworkers i could come out to but#i feel alone#and i need to wake up at some point#which is a whole other thing that i cant put into words but is a thing i need to do#thats what my whole album is about#and ive been working on that thing since march and its driving me crazy#i felt so relieved to think about kirbtober and not that and now its back#i feel like I've found all the pieces and put them together only to not slot in the last one#and then just walk away and let people take whats left#maybe I'm depressed idk#i dont think so#i feel like im dreaming#like i have occasional moments of lucidity separated by days of feleing jaded#making music every day might not help?#but i want to do this#its less so a workload thing#i can make a daily song in 15 minutes to an hour#and be fine with it#but i want it to be good#starflung's comments on the song i made for her keep me going#and ant texting me in the middle of the night (or their day idk) that my music is good#feeling terrible that i want more and more attention#but like#oh okay im out of tags vent post over i guess
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
one thing abt being disabled/chronically ill that some people donât get is that sometimes body maintenance that ensures you have the absolute minimum amount of function can also be something that takes away a lot of control and autonomy. you can argue till the cows come home that making those decisions to try and help yourself (or realistically to try to make sure things arenât worse than they already are) is something that exhibits control and autonomy and stuff, but they can be so limiting in practice because theyâre things that take up so much time but have to be done to do anything else
#i have to sleep a lot. iâm at the point where functioning requires 8 hours of sleep if not more#I should probably be getting 10+ but iâm a student and i work so 8 is the minimum. but then also getting ready for bed is a whole process s#the whole thing can take 10-12 hours depending how much im sleeping. just to make sure i can do anything#that is time in my day i cannot use for anything else. itâs not âoh but i can push through itâ because i canât without spending the next da#lightheaded and nauseous and vaguely dizzy and with such intense brain fog I canât think with my fatigue so bad i genuinely donât know how#get myself to work a lot of days. my abled peers donât have to deal with this at all. they have unlimited study time if they want to#and yeah it is a choice iâm making thatâs true i could just not do. except i would lose my job and fail out of college because i would not#be able to get to classes or do my homework or think. but being told âbut you are making choices about your lifeâ when i have lost so much#of what i used to be able to do because i am spiralling down and continuing to get worse is so.#literally last year i would wake up at 6:30 and then go to school till 3 and then go to my internship until 10 and get home at 11 and be in#bed anywhere from midnight to two in the morning and then wake up the next day and do it all again. i graduated with a 3.9 gpa and made it#into my top college while dealing with my cancer symptoms and then the two surgeries about it#but now i lose half my day to just making sure i can get out of bed. i canât go anywhere because my body is physically too exhausted#any extra time goes into doing homework or occasionally time to myself#not decimating my health by doing minimum body care responsibilities isnât freeing. occasionally i have a good day which is freeing but tha#usually goes into just. other things outside class or work or eating. I donât go do something for myself or go do something fun on good day#because I still canât. good days just mean i donât want to lie down on the pavement when iâm going somewhere#I just. I donât magically have control over my life because i try to get enough sleep. i lose half my day to doing that and ultimately itâs#just a bodily function that would have to happen anyway#this is a vent post im just having a really hard time right now because it feels like im in exponential decline. it was nowhere near this#bad last semester. my grades are tanking and i have no free time because anything outside of sleep is either work or school#vent tw#yall can rb this just ignore my tags completely#disability#chronically ill#i keep trying to explain to people how pots works because thatâs all logical but thereâs no way to explain what itâs doing to my body or ho#i feel all the time. the last time i felt this bad was when i had a bad flu or immediately after surgeries because i donât react well to#anesthesia and always come out of them feeling like shit. and now i just feel like this all the time and itâs only getting worse#I canât even stay up late anymore because my body feels like it isnât counting the sleep even if I get 8 hours#I can deal if I have a free day the day after but that just leaves Friday and Saturday nights and I usually still have to do homework
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
this is peek. if the ships like this don't occupy a large amount of my brain then im lying.
#â   ⥠  âș   jupiter  :  đšđšđ.#HIIIII GOOD AFTERNOON CHAT ITS 2PM BUT THIS IS ME BEING ACTIVE WOOOOO#HAVE SOME THINGS TO DO but am going to be around tonight#first time in a month ive been able to sleep all night withouy waking up for an hour every 2 hours this makes me feel so refeshed#will get back to ims and finish some replies today ... stay tuned i hope youre all enjoying your weekend so far đ„ș
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
I opened up about my body image issues and people called me a horrible person, told me I'm invalidating people with eds and that I'm body shaming people? God what the fuck? Ive got no fucking support system in real life and the Internet just hates me I guess.
#every waking moment of my life for three years was spent making sure other people had a person to vent to#but i can't vent to anyone#well ive got one person who wont even read my fucking text messages so i could say anything but i need someone to know#i need someone to say ill be okay. i need someone to be the person i was.#and nobody does that for me#ive got one person who cant even answer a ask on tumblr. honestly fuck you. i hope youre reading this. i spent so many nights awake making#sure you felt seen and you were okay. i gave up so much of my time to always be there for you. but you cant even respond âhahaâ to a stupid#joke? i get social interaction is hard. i get it. but this isnt. all you have to fucking do is open an ask. skim it for an idea of the vibe#and type haha or aw im sorry or smthing. its so easy. you know i have crippling anxiety. shit like this brings back trauma. it sends me into#a really bad panic attack. you suck. i hate to say that. cause you dont. you are genuinely a good person but you hate yourself so much that#youre actually trying to be a bad person#nothing you ever do will make me hate you but i sure am mad. me and A spent a few hours talking about how much we were worried about you#he doesn't have tumblr. when he found out you havent been messaging me he thought you killed yourself. for him its complete radio silence#just say something. like one of my posts. you dont have to do much. just do the bare minimum so i know you dont hate me.#cause if you dont hate me right now you really suck. really do. and if you do hate me please communicate that with me so i can fix myself
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#vent#vent post#cw negative#Sevenâs Public Diary#wish i wasnât so fucking worthless and useless and stupid and selfish and mean#i am just so goddamn sick of my own bullshit. but i never change#iâm so tired of being weighed down by my 56492 mental illnesses. i donât like being like this#my sleep schedule is so fucked up again and im tired of this constant cycle#this constant fight and endless effort to stay on a goddamn routine#all i want for christmas is a goddamn consistent sleep schedule#i hate sleeping through the day and being up all night but itâs like my body was fucking built for that or something#i donât like it!! i want to be an early bird who goes to bed at 8pm and wakes up before the sun rises!!! but im the exact opposite!!!!!!!#i wish i just didnât need to sleep at all. that would be the ideal. so many problems would be solved.#no i Really wish i just had the ability to fall asleep and wake up whenever i actually Want To instead of my body calling the shots#fell asleep at 9 this morning and im so mad that i didnât get up when i was woken up at 11#a 2hr nap wouldâve been fine and i wouldâve made it through the rest of the day and been able to fucking sleep again tonight#but noOOooOoOo i had to give in to the allure of my warm cozy bed and fall back asleep for 9 more goddamn hours#now once again im too awake and rested to be able to go back to sleep. but once morning rolls around im gonna be exhausted again#and iâll either give in and attempt to take a ânapâ and itâll turn into a 12hr sleep again#or iâll have to like. walk laps around the fucking house just to keep myself awake through the day#and iâll be super irritable as a result and make everyone around me miserable too#but everyone is already beyond fed up with my issues and behavior. rightly so i guess. so i lose either way#god there was so much stuff i was gonna/supposed to do today#i donât know how much longer theyâre gonna put up with me being such a deadbeat#you think thatâd like. motivate me to get my shit together or something but no. iâm addicted to being unconscious i guess#sleep feels so fucking good. until i wake up. which is funny bc itâs all nightmares and stress dreams anyway. why do i even enjoy sleeping#i guess bc for the first few hours after waking up i experience some modicum of relief from my other mental illnessesâ symptoms#like a soft reset.#and itâs the Only thing that gets rid of my migraines so god forbid i get one of those bc then i Have to sleep regardless of the time of day#anyways! :) thatâs enough whining for one vent post. time to go do something productive
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
yeah I'm not gonna talk abt it am I...
#well thats okay. eventually itll come up naturally. and if not well. it doesnt make me feel very okay. but its not a big deal#and i guess ill meet ppl in the future who will curate a different idea of me and maybe therell be fewer misunderstandings#<- coward who CAN communicate to save their life but not in any lower stakes situation for their happiness n quality of life#we <3 repression n insecurity. maybe if i keep digging at the corner of this bit of the labyrinth with my spoon ill get out someday đ#anyway.. theres my daily vague vent post got it out of my system#wanted to do it earlier but ended up not having much time after work n then called friends which was nice :^)#also i never have signal at work these days.. my boss has said shell get me on the staff wifi tho cuz i do need it for work reasons#its rare to need it for work purposes bc we all use work pcs n stuff anyway and not rly supposed to use mobiles in the lab#but yeahh.. god i have so much admin shit to sort out also gotta text family back before i sleep i forgot to earlier#its all good.. also my memory foam pillows turned up so i no longer have to steal my roomies extra one for my neck pain <3#ik she was missing it... not to sound like a creep but it was nice that it smelled like her a little. just familiar innit#we're always around each other so its just what being home smells like to me.. listen i have a sensitive nose đâïž#if we were a lot closer i would ask if i could sleep in her bed while shes away but we're not so it would come across sooo weird..#and i would feel rly weird abt someone sleeping in my own room without me there. well maybe not actually. as long as they werent snooping#<- guy whose mother used to go thru their shit all the time n struggles to not feel paranoid and distrustful when it comes to privacy#was thinking recently my ideal living situation w a partner would be separate rooms but we still share the bed sometimes#but not every night bc im a sensitive sleeper... but we can switch bedding so i can still smell them if i wake up in the night alone#like how new mothers trying to get babies used to cot sleeping each have a cloth or blanket and swap every night#so the baby is comforted by the blankets smell and sleeps more peacefully.. and momma finds it easier being apart from the baby too#sorry this is getting gooey and weird my meds have been wearing off the last couple hours im so sleeppyyyy đ#well.... maybe everything can wait until tomorrow..... bed is calling..#goodnight everyone muah#.diaries
3 notes
·
View notes